dear ironic hipster beard,

(aka “the brooklyn beard”)

you know who you are. and you know you are itchy.


that’s not ironic.

that’s gross.

you’ve got 70’s porn crotch on your face.

if you insist on coming into the bars with intentions of scoring some vagina (in your laconic, bored w everything hipster sort of way) it may behoove you to not arrive already wearing one on your chin.

just a thought.

furthermore, pls. take a shower.

thank you,


(am i the only one who hates seeing someone who looks like their ex everytime they go out?)

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