kinky and curly?…well, knot today.

woman with natural hair making a face

hmph.

From Dr.Shonuffs feel it to believe it formula to Grandma Fanny’s KitchenAid to Mystical Magical Exotic Amazon Oil to regular old Dep and do it there’s a shit-ton of natural hair products, supplies remedies, regimens, routines and hairules for keeping hair that is in its natural condition in nice condition.

Shit tons of it. Most of it well documented. Video logged, scientifually broken down by kitchen-titians and aesticitians and supermarket-scalp-scientists.  But the plethora of this information doesn’t make it any easier to get thru than a thin toothed comb through 4B hair.

wild, wild hair book cover

(btw, don't ever do that)

my hair is HOUNGRAY.

me, as a person- i am alway hungry. ALWAYS.

and the only living thing i have ever come across that is hungrier than me – is my hair. i look at the dainty little jars of product that the natural hair care blogs are touting as the next best sliced bread and no split ends type thing and i can literally hear my hair laughing at that bottle. cackling wicked witch of the west style.

feed me, seymour

"i SAID... FEEEED ME"

“don’t make me laugh. that’s an appetizer” my hair says to me.  for $68 bucks a pop? i most certainly will not. (yes. i talk to my hair)

thimble

Now in FAMILY SIZE!

maybe if i melt down the plastic jar, too there will be enough to go around. but i doubt it.

so then what?

i have a bathroom cabinet purged of all sulfates and mineral oils and more hair ‘products’ from the WholeFoods than from SallyBeauty, and it just.. keeps… going…  both the food/hair products in my bathroom and increasing volume-to- hunger ratio of my hair.

i know. i know. i’m lucky.

on the millions of hairblogs that i have in my bookmarks folder one of the most asked and debated questions is how to achieve exactly that. How to Retain Length? (and then alternately: Why Do We WANT to Retain Length?) most of the time i want to pass out half way through trying a new style (or rebraiding, or washing, or the ever infrequent detangling).  and because of it i’m prone to just doing the most simple thing as possible  to it and keep it moving.

woman with paper bag on her head

"ready!"

 

between the mixing of my own home brew and the braiding/twisting/washing/detangling of the back of my own head i imagine its about the same work out that i would get carrying home enough of the popular store brand products to actually cover my head.

 

i still don’t really know what is the next step for my hair is. but at least i’ll never have to buy a shakeweight

shakeweight

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