datenight sonata in the key of FML

... as played on the sad trombone

yeh. its not your fault.  you shouldn’t feel stupid. anyone in your position would have done the same. some one tells you at 11am they are going to pick you up at 5pm and take you out, well, of course only a fool wouldn’t start getting ready at 3pm. if they could, and you could so you did! it was the obvious choice! because that way you would have time to have a long relaxing, perfumed shower; making sure your legs are extra smooth for the sexy (not skanky!) short-shorts you plan to wear. and since you are in there why not dole out a dollop of that for-special-occasions-only shampoo that you got in a french boutique and only use sparingly as opposed  that regular old everyday stuff you order by the gallons online, because, life is to be celebrated. and then, well  a blowdry is what comes next – can’t do that shampoo an injustice!  shove those errands you were meant to run. that fresh outfit deserves a sleek hairdo. you’re right. it does look better that way. don’t forget to fix those two chipped on your manicure! well, after you wash off your face mask, of course. but do it soon. you want to make sure those nails are dry when you answer that text from him saying sorry honey he’s not feeling good. imploring you to raincheck ’til the weekend. its a good thing your outfit is there, folded neatly nearby, and not still hanging in those dry cleaning bags. that way when you throw your cellphone across the room its got a nice soft place to land. not like you’ll be wearing that tonight anyway.

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